Tuesday 24/10/2023

The thought of death has been visiting me for days. I feel like I’m at the bottom of a dirt pit, I feel like we’re in a big lie that I can’t get myself to believe. I’ve said it before, I’m not scared of death but I’m scared of feeling alive. 

If the world would listen for just one minute, my question would be, why are we dying in this horrifying manner? Today and for the past 18 days, I haven’t felt the way I do now, I’m confused, I feel like the bombs are eating my heart. I was too harsh on myself those past days, I showed no emotion towards myself and only showed a few tears towards the pain of others. 

All I wanted was to feel safe, and to make my mother’s dream come true, a house on the ground floor with a stone fireplace and a chimney. I don’t know what happened to us, I’m in a crisis.