Thursday 26/10/2023

Mixed emotions. Tender rage. In the background, George Wassouf sings the Umm Kalthoum song and the lyrics go “do you think my heart would feel safe around you anymore? Do you think a word would bring back what was?” mixed with the sounds of explosions. It’s been three hours of nonstop explosions, smoke rising to the sky, the smoke has ruined the sky and has ushered in a blackness that surrounds us. 

What an oxymoron life is, a child cries to get a toy then tosses it the moment they get it. I feel numb, cold, there’s a stinging in my heart and my soul is tired. 

George speaks to me through his song, don’t trust life ever again, whispering, cold, I’m tired. 

My head spins nonstop like a whirlpool. Our pregnant woman was screaming non stop in my head with the pain of labor. Everything is tightly packed, my thoughts are like a monster, 21 days of missiles - I’ve forgotten what normal life is like, going to bed early, staying up late with friends, walking on the streets in the morning, sitting by the sea, the sea in October, a blend of hot and cold. 

We’re suffocating, 21 days of pent up emotions, fear, sleeping while scared, crying over lost friends and family. 

People outside of Gaza eat, sleep and wake up to the sound of their alarms and we eat, sleep and we don’t wake up because a bomb hit us.